3 Reasons Resistance is Your Friend

No one likes career obstacles and challenges, whether it's a toxic boss, the repeated rejections of a long-haul job search, or feeling stuck in a job that no longer serves you. 

I frequently hear these defining complaints as evidence of something that's gone terribly wrong. 

But what if there were another way to look at it? 

What if these things weren't happening TO you, but rather FOR you?

I'd like to propose 3 reasons that resistance is actually your friend. 

If you've been reading my posts or newsletters, or worked with me in person (whether physically or virtually), you've probably heard me talk about my strength training journey.  My apologies if this has gotten old, but it continues to bless me with not only greater muscle strength, but with many career and life applications!  

Lifting heavy weights increases muscle mass, strength, neural adaptations and endurance.  Without the stress or pressure of resistance, you won't gain strength. 

I want you to think about whatever challenges you're up against as a new weight you're training to lift.  With that in mind, here are 3 reasons those challenges are FOR YOUR GOOD.

1.  Resistance prepares you to play bigger.  

"I need to get away from this toxic VP.  She undermines my leadership, isn't giving me a chance to prove myself, and she's making my life miserable."  As Marie recanted all the reasons why this boss made it imperative that she find a new job, I wondered if this circumstance wasn’t the exact training ground Marie needed to become the type of leader she told me she wanted to be.

As we worked together, the ‘reps’ Marie started to practice were things like:

• How to take up space and hold her ground in a confident and winsome way (regardless of how the other person behaved),
• How to internally source her confidence independent of circumstances,
• How to stop giving her power away (the power to decide how she felt about her life and job)

If Marie was going to move on to higher levels of leadership, these were EXACTLY the lessons she needed to learn.  This boss was her greatest teacher and helped her to begin learning the lessons that would enable her to move up without burning herself out and lead with excellence even when there’s a toxic boss, team, or organization (hint:  there will always be some version of that toxic boss, team, or organization everywhere you go).

Without the resistance of this toxic boss, Marie wouldn’t have the opportunity to build the capacities essential to succeeding at the next level.

2.  Resistance tells you where to place your attention.

I hate ‘swimmers.’  Also known as ‘superman’s,’ this exercise involves being flat on your stomach, holding a weight in each hand and ‘snow-angel-ing’ your arms.  I hate these because my back is where I’m weakest.  They are SO HARD. The intense resistance I feel exposes my area of greatest weakness.  The more I complain, the more my trainer assures me that this is exactly what we need to do more of.  He’s intent on building strength around my areas of vulnerability (and I love him for that!).

When it comes to your career, what experiences or challenges do you resist the most?  Is it possible that the very thing you resist the most is shining a light on the area you most need to strengthen to create an exceptional career? 

Take networking as an example.  It’s rare to hear someone say they love networking.  Almost as rare as hearing someone say 'I love ‘swimmers!’  And yet, as we lean into this practice, as we learn to authentically connect around areas of mutual interest, we strengthen the muscle fiber of what strong, healthy careers are made of.

3.  Resistance introduces you to muscles you didn’t know you had.

The day after a particularly hard work out, I texted my trainer and said, “I think something’s wrong.  My back and legs hurt SO BAD.  Is this normal??”  I could almost hear his laughter coming back at me through cyber-space.  “Yeah,” he said, “It’s called a bad-ass workout.”  Oh... I cringed as I slipped deeper into my Epson salt bath but resolved to keep going.

When you want to grow your potential, you are going to have to get comfortable being uncomfortable (at least some of the time).

When you decide to pursue an exceptional career, you’re going to have to dig deep and do things you didn’t know you could do.

I want you to impress yourself with what you’re capable of.

I want you to surprise yourself with the scale of your impact.

I want you to look back a year from now and be in awe of the strength you didn’t even know you had.

Have you heard of the 40% rule?

This concept was popularized by Dave Goggins via Jesse Itzler's book Living With a Seal.   The 40% rule says:

When your mind tells you that you're exhausted, fried, and totally tapped out, you're really only 40 percent done; you still have 60 percent left in your tank. 

In short, you always -- always --​ have more in you than you think.

When you think you couldn’t possibly reach out to one more person on LinkedIn, you have more in you.

When you're feeling the sting of rejection and think you couldn’t possibly put yourself out there one more time, you have more in you.

When you're about to give up on yourself because whatever you're trying to do just seems too hard, you have more in you.

Resistance is what trains us and strengthens us.

Perhaps you have big challenges because there’s a big future in front of you and you need to get prepared.

What’s YOUR relationship to resistance?  I’d love to hear from you!